You are not alone

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I was devastated and stunned to learn this week that a member of the travel blogging community, Anita Mac, took her own life.

Anita was an avid supporter of our blog, sharing our work, commenting with valuable insight, encouragement and support. I enjoyed our conversations and her upbeat, positive outlook on life.

When I first heard, I had to double check I had the name and person right because Anita never seemed to be anything but loving her life.

We all wish we knew more about what was lying underneath her smiles and happy demeanor. I really liked and appreciated her as a person; I wish she knew that.

Going back through her twitter stream, I noticed an update a few days ago that said, “Sometimes I just feel so alone..this is one of those times.”

I wish I saw it. I wish I could have said something to help her know she is not alone, that we all struggle and fear and feel pain. And even though I’m on the other side of the world, I can still help.

I wish she knew no matter how desperate something feels, eventually the light comes.

Help others to feel they are not alone

You are not alone

The one thing I have learned from life is that we are never alone.

There is always someone going through a similar difficult, or a euphoric time. Our struggles, experiences and lessons are not for us alone, they are for us to share so that we may in some way help another person.

We share our life on this blog and on Mojito Mother, not just the great things, but the struggles and challenges too.

We tend to focus more on the good, not because we want to hide the bad, but because the good is where we get the most joy. It’s the good that keeps us hoping and dreaming and if we are not hoping and dreaming we don’t have much.

But that doesn’t mean that underneath our life of travel are not moments when we feel like the world’s biggest failures and we hurt badly.

In fact, I felt like that most of the time for the past 3 years. I wrote about it in my last newsletter when the fear and sadness became too much and I let the damn walls burst into a flood of tears.

The community reached out, “Your newsletter really helped.” “It came at the right time.”

It’s comments like this and “It made me realize that you are human also, “and “I feel better knowing I’m not the only one that has messed up.”  and “I’m inspired and feel hopeful that I can now rise above my challenges.” that keep me sharing no matter how vulnerable I feel in the process.

We share because we want you to know you are not alone, and no matter your challenges, you can overcome them.

We want you to know that we understand your pain and suffering [and your joy] your fear, your insecurities and the impact of the fists that you can continually beat upon yourself.

We want you to know that pain has a purpose and that you are powerful beyond measure and can handle the shit that life throws at you. If we can help more people understand they are not alone, they may not feel they have to leave life prematurely.

I know what it is like to sit at the edge of a brick wall facing the tumultuous river below wondering if you are worth it and if your life will ever get better.

You are and it will.

Don’t fear the darkness

I think we are told that the goal of life is happiness and if we can’t find it then all we have is sadness and a life not worth living.

This is a wrong pursuit.

Happiness is an emotion, just like anger, sadness, and joy. They come and they go, and they serve lessons to help us evolve.

Our emotions, good and bad, are signals as to what we need to do next, or what we need to learn. We don’t need to cover them over, run from them, or desperately search to find them. We can just accept them for what they are and allow them to walk in and out of our lives.

Here’s a poem I love so much from Rumi, which explains it,

Guest House

This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty it of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

The dark shadows are not as frightening as we perceive them to be and if we just go into them a little bit, we’ll find the light.

When you find it, it is brighter than it ever was before, and you’ll discover an inner strength and peace you never thought was possible.

Read more about my thoughts on happiness and inner peace here.

It makes me so sad to know so many people suffer from sadness and feeling alone, so much they feel they are not worth living.

Everyone is valuable and worthwhile and has a beautiful life only meant for them. Please know this and understand it does get better.

Reach out more

If only we all stopped pretending we had it all under control and we accepted that it’s okay to not be perfect.

If only we reached out a little more to those around us to check how they really were beneath those smiles.

If only we shared more and whispered words of encouragement, acknowledgement and praise.

If only we said things more like:

“Hey man, don’t worry. I cry and scream all the time too. Let it on out and together we’ll work through his.”

“OMG. Don’t worry,  I am probably the world’s worst parent because I have no flipping idea what I am doing. Let’s just help one another instead of trying to make it a competition.”

“Hey, you want to do this with you life? Awesome. I don’t understand it, but I believe you can do it.”

“I know you are hurting right now. I understand what the darkness feels like. You are not alone. Let me help you.”

“You are so valuable and so loved.”

Say kind words to others. You just never know when they might need to hear them. Nobody needs to walk alone and feel they are not worth their hopes and dreams.

I’m so sorry Anita. I am really really sad you are gone.

R U OK Day

R U OK Day is happening on 12 September 2013. It’s a national day of action dedicated to reminding people to regularly check in with family and friends.

Reach out to those you know to see how they may need your help. You just never know what is lying underneath those smiles and positive outlooks. If you are in Sydney or Melbourne and would like to volunteer contact [email protected]

If you need help now you can reach out here. There is always someone you can turn to.

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