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For the last couple of months you may have noticed a slight drop in the number of published posts on this site, and heaven forbid to think the quality of them may have been lacking as well.
I have not been tweeting or stumbling much, and commenting on others blogs has just been too much of an effort for me to do, sadly enough.
But, I haven’t been able to help it. I have been operating on a bare minimal, essentials only existence. And that is because the world suddenly turned sideways for me. I can think of no other way to explain it. I was absolutely gripped in a situation out of my control where every day felt as if I was on a permanent jet lag hangover.
Last time this happened, I never experienced the sideways movement so bad, but that was when I didn’t have a full time blogging business to worry about. That was when I could call the boss up and say “I can’t get off the couch and make it today.” You can’t do that when you own a business.
What does a sideways world look like?
It’s when you forget simple things such as your pin number that you have had for 15 years for numerous bank cards.
It’s when the butter belongs in the cupboard and sunscreen in the fridge.
It’s when hot chips, and vegemite toast becomes preferable to a good Thai curry and even then you’re sure it will end up in the toilet bowl.
Coffee and wine? Forget it, your nose turns up in teetollar distaste.
It’s when one minute your happy, the next your crying, and then the next you want to tear someones head off and then throw it out the window.
It’s when parts of your brain shut down in order to give life to other areas; with this shut down comes the ability to create, to deal with noise, to talk, to think, and solve problems. All my brain wants me to do is eat, sleep, and breathe.
It’s when an oppressive tiredness pushes on your shoulders and head until your body shrinks and collapses in a heap on the couch- you turn from a person who hates day sleeps to someone who begs for just five more minutes.
It’s that moment when like in the greatest moment of child birth pain, you think to yourself self ” I don’t think I can do this, the light is too far away… but there is no way I can turn back either.”
That is a sideways world.
All of this leads to a place you know is not pretty, but becomes so magical once its over. A place that is filled with sacrifice and pain, yet unconditionally profound love.
And so my sideways world has prevented me from doing much lately, and I am sorry for the lack of depth and presence, but there has been nothing else I can do. Something else has taken control of me.
And while my sideways world sidelines me right now and leaves me begging for the second phase when things become lighter, and happier and glowy, I know not to complain. There are many, many people who would be begging to be living in a sideways manner like me right now.
It is to our delight, while I try to straighten myself up and get back to business, that Craig, Kalyra and I introduce the cause of my sideway-ness.
Say hello to our new addition, coming to visit us somewhere around August 24th and only to be decided by it.
P.S Please little one, go easy on momma when it is time for you to join us.