Have you ever wanted to reach out a foot and scrape it along the ground so you can stop the world and jump off it?
Trapped in a vortex, you cannot see clearly enough what it is you are doing and why.
Forget even trying to think about what you should do next, the vertigo grips and squeezes all rational thought or ambition out of you.
I recently wrote a letter to new travel bloggers, giving them the encouragement they need to continue on to the fulfilment of their goals and aspirations.
Sometimes I need to read those words myself.
Wanting to Stop My World
I’ve been struggling.
I grew weary of everything to do with blogging. I couldn’t see what I was doing and why, if I was making a difference anymore, or if I was providing value.
I grew tired of caring about the other stuff. The stats, marketing and promoting; regretting that was a part of what we do here, but knowing I could never avoid it.
Everywhere I turned was arguing, judging, jealousy, and snarky comments in the race to be better than others.
My writing just seemed to plummet off a cliff. I couldn’t string a sentence together. Everywhere I turned someone else’s writing was better than mine which made me want to crawl into the hole of LOSER VILLE.
All I wanted to do was sleep, play with Kalyra, and tickle Savannah and get lost in her bleating giggles.
If you ever want to stop the world, it is best to just before you do, wrap yourself in the arms of a baby, and you’ll realize that you’ll never want the world to stop spinning.
I could happily sit there all day and stare at her and watch every move she makes. The way she with unwavering focus tries to grab the toy and unsuccessfully move it into her mouth, laughing as she misses and roots around the air instead.
All day every day.
But, I couldn’t and I can’t.
Life doesn’t work if you just meditate on the mountaintop; and the warmth and living cuddles of my children would soon grow cold, if I could not feed them.
Knowing that didn’t solve my predicament.
The desire to stop the world and quit.
But quit into what new space?
What else could I do? What else did I want to do?
Like a pendulum the thoughts swang back and forth within me, never pointing me in a clear direction.
The questions left hanging unanswered.
Does that mean we stop asking?
No. It just means the answers are still trying to find themselves.
Sometimes a step back in what we are doing is needed in order for us to go leaping forward. I needed to feel this lull and this need to retreat for very important reasons.
So I can take stock. So I can slow down the world, not stop it, and see just what it is I really need to do.
What is it that is bothering me so much and how can I fix it?
Usually this is a sign that there is something I need to improve in order to become better.
So my issues
- My health not being optimal
- My time taken up with so much stuff which affected my sense of peace, my time with my family, and the ability for me to move forward.
- The feelings of me not being good enough.
Of course this would all make you want to stop the world. But I decided it was time that I learned how to spin it to my beat instead.
During this retreat of mine, where I have relied heavily on posts sitting in draft in my back office and less time spent online, I’ve learned a few things and am improving already.
Most of you have heard we have been participating in a diet, or should I say a return to healthy lifestyle. We have both lost a fair amount of weight, I am getting more sleep and am felling so much more energized and light.
I’m spending far more quality time playing with my children, and absorbing every precious moment of their growth, I know soon that my dear Savannah will no longer have to rely on my arms to carry her around. (Sob)
People have entered my life, not unsurprisingly at the right time with the right answers. There is still much for me to figure out, but I am on my way.
I’ve grown so tired of caring about how many people are reading my posts, if my traffic is increasing, are there comments, are people sharing it, will Google ever love me, have I stumbled today, what about helped others out in forums, checking emails, making money, getting annoyed at major corporations who just don’t get it and want to take advantage of bloggers all the time, and the constant fighting that goes on in the blogosphere.
All I want to do really is travel, share it with others, and interact in a fun community.
It’s all this other stuff that just takes over and steals the joy away.
I’m no longer basing my success on that. It’s all about
“Did I make a difference in the life of someone else today?”
And that is all that counts.
Are you Living a Half-Filled Life
I saw Wayne Dyer speak in person last week. If you don’t know who he is, I’d encourage you to discover his words of wisdom and his gentle spirit. He lives his life mission of making sure we all become aware of the “AM that I AM” the greatness that resides in all of us and to know how to get in touch with that. (Many thanks to Lina for taking me with her)
And in doing so making sure that we do not stop the world knowing that we have lived a half-filled life.
Spending your days worrying and steeped in fear means that you are living a half filled life. Caring and allowing your life to be dominated by things that don’t inspire you or fill you with joy is living a half filled life.
The stuff was dragging me down. I’m learning to free it up and focus on just the things that make me feel the joy, which is why I’m doing this in the first place.
Part of that for me, means approaching that subject that terrifies me.
The quality of my writing.
Quite frankly it stinks.
And I know that I have control over my own life. I could wallow around in my own self-pity, and in true masochistic form, hang out with those that are better than me and start stopping the world, because I am such a failure I really need to jump.
Or… I can do something proactive about it.
Wayne Dyer has taught me to spend my days focusing on that which I want to be in the form of already being it.
So from now on I say I am a talented writer, knowing that I’ve already achieved that, I’m just waiting for my hands to catch up to that truth.
Instead of feeling inferior to those who are better than me, I’m letting them instead inspire and teach me.
I completed a freelance travel writing course last weekend which gave me some confidence to know I can do it. (And if you are interested in freelance writing, then watch this space as I am going to share my journey with you through vlogs)
I have armed myself with books and courses on writing in the hopes that some of their magic will rub off on me.
And I have forcibly removed myself from all but one online group. It’s a group that still maintains the spirit of positivity and helpfulness.
The focus is not getting involved in petty arguments, but improving my craft in order to provide a better experience for those who want to travel the world and life a full life.
The Travel Itch is a Respinning of the World
I think as travellers we are used to wanting to stop the world and jump off. It’s that itch that won’t go away, the urge to quit our jobs, sell all our possessions in search of….
None of us really know, we just know we need to stop our old ways as they are causing us to lead a half filled life. We need to sit back, take stock and allow the answers to the questions to come to us.
It’s only then that we learn how to respin the world into the full life we all desire.
I don’t need to stop the world. I just need to learn to spin it a new way
Have you learned to respin the world into the full life you desire?
P.S I will be sharing a lot about what I have learned lately and throughout my life on living a full life at Mojito Mother. Come join me over there to learn more.