Excuse me for a minute while I delve into the topic of love.
I’m not sure why I feel like I’m turning up to a first date – like the day after the sparks flew between Craig and I and he asked if “I’d like to do nothing with him the next day.”
Was he serious? Would he really call or would I be rejected?
Are you going to reject me now? Am I going to deep for ya?
It’s scary putting yourself out there, especially when you throw your whole heart into it.
Why do we fear love so much, yet devote all our time and energy to fear?
Which one makes you feel better?
Three months ago I started a Money Project. I didn’t know what was going on with me, but I knew the income I was earning was not reflecting my worth. I was determined to solve the problem and bring more into my life.
The money project has been amazing, not just because of the money it has brought into my life, but because of the way it has cracked me open. I’ve allowed the peeling of each layer to unfold and I’m discovering peace and beauty.
The healing journey so far is stalling in ‘The Return to Love,’ by Marianne Williamson. It’s a deep exhale confirming that my thoughts and feelings are not so stupid and not to be feared but embraced.
Since our great fall from grace (losing almost half a million dollars) and to recovering to create our ultimate life, I haven’t stopped trying to analyze what went wrong after everything had gone so right.
We had a blissful 5 year honeymoon traveling the world with barely any plans or savings, yet making it work. We then returned home, couldn’t do anything right, and fell flat on our faces.
Now, 4 years later, we define how every day looks and are on this incredible road trip around OZ with our children. (I’m currently watching the sun rise enveloping the sky in a pink softness. It’s my office and I’m in love.)
What happened in the space between? What made us get it all wrong and fall down?
It was the absence of love.
When you travel you learn to dissipate your fears by facing them. You realize planes rarely fall out of the sky and can be a fun ride. You accept that buses might be late, or cancelled, but one will show up eventually – you can just play cards or read a book while you wait.
You learn that strangers are more often reaching a hand out in love and service than with a closed fist. You discover that you’re powerful beyond measure: you can find your way out when you’re lost, you can create more money when you’re broke, and you can even climb higher mountains.
The fear breaks down and your left with living your moments through love.
The world continues to amaze you every day and in passing with strangers you get to see the best of them. You learn that differences are cool things to celebrate and learn from, and your eyes are widened to the fact that we are all more similar than we realize.
We all feel the same emotions. We all come from the space of love.
When you live from the space of love, miracles happen. Life rolls from one moment to the next effortlessly and with joy. Even when the challenges arise you embrace them for the lessons they bring, rather than fear them. You know you’re strong enough to handle it.
So what went wrong for us? How did we slide down into hell?
We stopped traveling and fear came rushing in holding hands with depression. I stopped living through love. I shrunk and my reality became the manifestation of my fears: irritating and mean people, situations I couldn’t handle, concrete jungles and meaningless quests for more of the things that don’t matter.
I literally felt my soul withering away from the disconnection with this powerful source and I ached with bitterness.
The miracles stopped – fear can never fuel them.
It was only when I returned to travel through blogging that I began to relive those free feelings of love and things began to turn around. I remembered what the truth was.
For the past 6 months, the miracles have been embracing us more. I’ve cut the cords of attachment and the burden of things that don’t fill you up or serve you. Once again, I walk from the space of love. I see the goodness in people, the beauty in the planet, and the joy in the miracle of living.
It’s a return to love.
I spoke with Craig about it this evening over a happy hour chardonnay by the beach.
Marianne Williamson’s ‘A Return to Love’ has opened my eyes to what the purpose of all our lives are. I’m practicing each day to let go of the fear. To stop thinking I can control the future and only manifesting anxiety in the present as a result.
I’m just going to return to that freedom of love. Not knowing what the next moment holds but trusting it will all work out.
I’m not going to pass the present moment over to fears and anxieties and made up stories.
I’m just going to love each moment and watch the miracles unfold with a happy and grateful heart.