Photo: Eduardo Amorim
I woke up this morning to read a post from another blogger that absolutely lit a fire in my belly. I’m not one who usually gets upset with what other people write, but this was a post that showed an absolute disregard and lack of compassion for the people of the country visiting and a righteous feeling of if ‘I’m not treated to the higher standards I expect then you must be all horrible people.’
I think a greater truth lies here When you expect nothing you end up with a whole lot of gratitude.
Travel is not about going to a third world or developing country to see what it is you can get out of the people. How can I get the cheaper deal? How can I take advantage of those who are less fortunate then me? How can I get a meal or a drink for cheaper than $1, so I can brag about my budget travel victories? Travel is not about visiting another country and expecting them to live in accordance to your ethics and cultural beliefs.
Travel is about learning and experiencing something new in order to perhaps grow as a better person. It is about opening your eyes to how others live and how they manage to cope with a life that is no where near as lucky as yours. A life that for no other reason than being fortunate enough to be born in a certain geographical region, you have the opportunity to throw a backpack on and venture around the world for indefinite periods of time. Most people in this world struggle to eat three meals a day.
Travel is about compassion, kindness, and tolerance. It is about putting yourself in the shoes of another to try and understand why they may behave in the ways they do. People are not intentionally setting out to rip you off or make your life unbearable. They are merely trying to make ends meet and to make sure their children do not die premature deaths. I’m a mother, I’d rip you off without question if it meant it saved my child from starving to death. Luckily I never have to make that choice.
There has not been one country- even first world- I have visited where I have not been ripped off or treated poorly by some of the locals. So what. Big deal. Why should this upset me, unless I was so egotistical to think that life revolved around me, my needs and feelings? It doesn’t.
In Cambodia, as small children gathered around Craig and I to sell us cans of coke, one nimble hand slipped into Craig’s money belt and took out $140. Sure, for a brief minute we were upset when we discovered it gone. But then we took a reality check. We looked at ragged clothes of the children, the scrawny bodies, the fact that they were selling pepsi on the street instead of learning in a classroom, and we both said to each other “We hope the money has gone to a family that will make good use of it. That money really means nothing to us but to them it can mean so much.” I’m not saying that this is a right way to behave, but it’s not my place to judge when they are as poor as they are and I have so much more. We were ripped off plenty more times in Cambodia, but we absolutely adore the country and would go back in a heartbeat.
In Tanzania, we couldn’t arrive in a new place without being swamped by local men, pulling on our backpacks and arms trying to drag us to their van to stay at their lodging for the night. Same thing in Sumatra, but this time I was pushed over and banged up my knee. Sure I hated it and so did Craig, but we accepted this was part of the traveling experience we signed up for. And underneath my initial frustration lay the knowledge and acceptance that this was behaviour from people who were desperate; desperate to survive. When I, the Westerner, enters their country, my presence alone establishes a persona of wealth. I need to accept that people will want a piece of me. They can’t help this, it is their survival instinct to try and get more.
I don’t look at these incidents and say poor little me, I was treated so poorly and somebody tried to rip me off. They ruined my travel experience and I’ll never go back. Instead, I look at it as a chance for me to develop compassion, forgiveness, tolerance, and most of all gratitude. Gratitude that I don’t have to resort to options like this. Gratitude that I am able to visit their country which has a knowing impact on the cultural and environmental sustainability of its people there- yet I am still welcomed by the majority of people with open arms. Gratitude that life has offered me a lesson to learn.
I use experiences such as these an opportunity to instead go and find the positive experience. Where can I go and what can I do, to have a better experience here? How can I be more open, loving, and receptive to the people so we can make the experience better for all involved?
If someone is not treating you the way you want ask yourself why? Could I perhaps be not treating them with reciprocal respect? Am I maybe sending off an air of ‘I am more important than you? Could I have offered a better smile or a kind word or gesture of acknowledgement?
We lived in America for 4 years, we got shafted by companies and treated disrespectfully by a good many of people. In fact, we were so badly screwed in a real estate deal in the States that we lost thousands of dollars and almost went bankrupt. But this doesn’t mean that this is how we define Americans. This is not representative of the whole. And I don’t drag my bottom lip on the ground and say “Well I’m never coming back here again because y’all didn’t treat me like a human being and ripped me off.” What do you think Americans would say, “Who cares. See ya!” And what a beautiful country and culture I would have missed out on if I didn’t dig deeper to find its real heart. In fact, if I could I’d be living there now.
Every traveler is going to have places they don’t like and won’t return to. But don’t make it about how poorly you were treated, especially when you are visiting a poor country that has been ravaged by war, poverty, death, and destruction for years. You are not a God walking into their land to save them and have them worship at your feet. Have some compassion and walk a mile in their shoes first before judging. Choose to look for the lesson and choose to make your experience great.
Remember how small and unimportant you really are. I don’t say this to minimize your being but to magnify the greatness of the whole we are all a minute part of.
This was a really great post. One of at our core tenets at Tandem World is to uncover the things that unite as as world citizens while celebrating our differences. In our minds, it is the most valuable aspect of travel.
I do think it is easy to forget that, in many countries, people are doing whatever they can to survive. The line “I’m a mother, I’d rip you off without question if it meant it saved my child from starving to death” is spot on. It’s not pretty but its honest.
“Choose to look for the lesson and choose to make your experience great.” These are really words to travel – and live – by. Thanks.
I love how you say “uncover the things that unites us as well as celebrating our differences” This was one of the lessons we put in our travel ebook. It’s about first seeing what is the same. This helps you to be compassionate and understanding- the thing that will eventually bring peace and love into our world instead of such hatred and violence. It’s a shame people first look at their own needs rather than taking the time to think of others as well.
“We don’t see things as they are we seem them as we are” The Talmud
I agree on one hand about how travel does generate feelings of gratitude. However, I don’t think it’s OK for you to invalidate the feelings of others as much as they are invalidating yours when you say that one should be “OK” with getting accosted, harassed, and stolen from in a different country. This is almost akin to saying to women, “getting sexually assaulted in countries unfriendly to women is part of their culture. accept it.” I think that if we truly want to understand the world we need to be open-minded about what goes on, not tolerant of it. There’s a BIG difference.
No, I never once said it was okay. I said that you need to put yourself in their shoes and try to understand their life for a moment and why they do the things they do. You don’t base your whole experience on these small events. You don’t judge a whole society based on the fact that you weren’t treated by your own expectations and sense of self importance. When I see a starving family in a third world country I can understand why they rip me off. I then have compassion. It’s NOT okay that I never have to worry about my children starving but they do. Comparing what I am saying to being tolerant of sexual assault is ridiculous and you missed the whole point. I certainly did not say when I lost thousands ( and I mean not one or two) in America that this was okay. But I didn’t say all Americans are cheats and liars and I’ll never go there again because they didn’t treat me like a human being.
Rebecca does raise a good point about the difference. I imagine you’re on the same page and its just a miscommunication.
Being relatively more privileged we have the means to show compassion and restraint and when we’re tested sometimes that’s all we can do. After all the easiest thing to change in this situation isn’t the conditions of a place and its people, its our mindset. With posts like this, sharing experiences and talking we can spread a ripple of change.
A got this story from Russell Brand in conversation with Marc Maron, who Russell was quoting escapes me. A person gives moneys to a beggar, the friend is riled up “Why did you give that beggar money? I bet he’s probably richer than you”. The man remarked “Then let it be on his conscience and not mine”.
Great post Caz, and great response! I totally agree with you. I read that same post and had the same reaction you did. It’s incredible how someone can construct such a negative picture due to the fact that they were treated “not as expected”. Well, that’s what travel is… you can’t expect everything to be on “your standards”. In my opinion it is the other way, you keep an open mind and learn from their standards. That way you’ll be able to understand (possibly) the reasons behind “why these things happen” and “why are they doing this”…
Good experiences happen as well as bad experiences. Hell, I’ve had them too. I was awfully ripped off in Thailand, but that doesn’t mean I hate Thailand and I’m never coming back. In fact, Thailand was such a great experience that I’m dying to spend more time there. Sure, I was bummed at first, but I learned from that experience and kept on with my travels. I believe even bad experiences help you understand society and the way things are on any given place.
Absolutely Norbert. I think all experiences good or bad are here to help us learn and grow. That’s why you have to look at the bad as really being your friend. You just go crazy anyway if you don’t, remain stuck inthe past and can’t move forward. I’m glad someone else had the same reaction as me to that post, I thought I was on my own there, not that that scares me much! Life has certainly told me along the way to never expect anything, you will only be disappointed instead see everything that comes to you as a gift.
Like anyone, I hate getting ripped off or being played around with, but I know not to take it personally anymore. Like you, I always think about putting myself in their shoes. Ideally, travel makes one more empathetic and understanding rather than developing an “us” vs. “them” mentality.
We find that in tourist areas, people are more regularly exposed to money and “things” and want it more. I’m not saying that makes them bad people, but we’ve been knocked on our butts humbled traveling through poor areas that get very little tourists and people are giving us food and other tokens as part of their standard hospitality. Often, they won’t take anything in return; they just want to share of their culture and themselves. And you realize how incredible people can be.
Absolutely Audrey. I think realizing its not personal is the key. Otherwise you are just going to have a terrible time and think everyone is out to get you. As we always say “Shit happens’ Deal with it and move forward. I think being more empathetic helps you to move forward- it doesn’t mean you say its okay- it just helps you to let it go. I’ll always be so grateful to travel as it taught me there is no ‘us’ vs ‘them’ that we are all united by so many similarities. I think it makes for a more peaceful and happier life.
Wow such a complicated issue and one I congratulate you for taking on. I still struggle with the unnecessary poverty I see in each country.
It is so hard to deal with. It’s even worse now that I am a mother. I’m so grateful that my daughter will never have to worry about where her next meal comes from and my heart goes out to all mothers who have to worry about this for their babies.
In Egypt, on a round the world tour, my visit started ignominiously with a fairly commonplace hustle, the taxi that doesn’t go where you want and tries to sell you more stuff you don’t want, sort of thing, which was followed by more of the usual hustles from hawkers at the Pyramids. Arriving there after the beauty and friendliness of Singapore was a serious culture shock, but, though it really upset me to be seen only as a target, I stepped back. I took a nap, and I sat down with the manager at my hotel and he helped me take the time to find what I wanted and was very, very helpful in restoring peace of mind. My upset was not due to feeling superior, or expecting something, it was simply that I forgot I was in the third world — I had lived in Africa 23 years ago — and I jumped into my visit without allowing time to adjust, to go with the local flow and acclimate.
So I slowed down, I went with the flow and acclimated and my experience was priceless, memorable and wonderful. You just gotta stop to adjust, even on a tight itinerary. You can read more about my trip in Around The World In Eighteen Days, my new book: http://www.AroundTheWorldBook.com Awesome trip!
I think you definitely have to take a step back and give yourself time to adjust. Culture shock can bring out such demons within you. You book sounds great!
Wow, fantastic post. It’s difficult sometimes when you’re traveling, especially on a shoestring budget (for us obviously), to remember all these things, that many of these people, children included, are living on the street and would kill to have the money you plopped down for one night in a hostel.
Like all travelers, I have been ripped off, and I’ve reacted poorly in certain situations, in the heat of the moment. We get too caught up sometimes in meeting the budget or not getting ripped off to remember why it is that people are trying to “rip us off.” Like you said, if it was between ripping someone off who has loads more money than I or seeing my child starve, that’s not really a question.
India was the most difficult place I’ve ever traveled in, and the amount of people trying to take advantage of us was astounding at times, and while it was sometimes frustrating, we just had to put things in perspective. Despite the difficulty and amount of times we were ripped off, we met so many amazing Indians that were nothing but kind to us, people who made far less than us, yet offering us meals and hospitality. That’s what I’ll remember, and that’s why I can’t wait to go back someday.
Great post. I didn’t see the original post that started this, but I am curious.
My brother had a challenging time in India as well. I think it is important that you focus on the good memories and don’t let the bad stuff of travel get in the way. We had a real struggle in Tanzania, they were really pushy and in your space there. So we always put our focus on Zanzibar and what a great experience we had there and how lovely the people were. You can always choose your focus.
“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeing new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” ~ Marcel Proust ~
I do have to admit that I was ready to get the hell out of India when we did. Now that I’ve had almost a year to reflect though, it is probably tops on the list of 11 countries we visited on our RTW that I want to go back to. It was our last country, and personally I was just tired of traveling and ready for some familiarity, and well, home. So going to a place that is the total opposite of familiarity and home was just not what we needed at the time, so I know that had a major effect on the time I had there.
It’s all about perspective, and now I can look back at all the positives, and I really want another shot at it. I just don’t think I could ever say I’ll NEVER go to a certain country again.
I think I know which article you’re talking about. Thanks for putting things in perspective. Sometimes I lose sight of how lucky I am to be going down the path I’ve chosen.
Thanks Keith. I find if I look through the eyes of gratitude life is so much sweeter.
“When you expect nothing you end up with a whole lot of gratitude.” I think reminding myself of this every day would do wonders for the “poor me” woes I sometimes find myself getting sucked into. A very thought provoking post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Yes. There is always someone better off than you and someone way worse. This always helps us to stay focused on gratitude for all we have. It is a really hard thing to do though especially when you are deep in the mire
Great post, you really hit the nail on the head. Most people wouldn’t care if Bill Gates lost a $20,000 rolex watch, probably thinking “he has 46 billion dollars, it doesn’t even matter to him”. It’s really the same spread in a SE Asia with travelers and local population.
Great comparison Scott- really highlights exactly what it is!
Excellent post – I couldn’t agree more! One of my favorite places is also some place where I was scammed and regularly pestered – Egypt. But for every negative experience I had, there was another great one to make up for it. And when I did find myself getting annoyed over a shopkeeper trying to overcharge me or someone else trying to scam me, I reminded myself that they are just doing what they need to do to get by – to support their famIlies, to put food on the table. What I was spending on my trip was probably a year’s salary for some of these people – to get upset over something amounting to a couple dollars or less just wasn’t worth it.
Thanks Katie. Everything falls into perspective when you try to live in the others shoes for even just a minute.
I haven’t read the post you mentioned but this reminded me of watching travelers bargain and argue over 5 rupees (10 cents US) in India when buying some fruit. To be so concerned over losing 10 cents or to deny that tiny amount of extra money to someone who clearly needs it more, seems so pointless, even if it is more than the local price.
Sure, when I had my wallet stolen along with $250 one time in India I was certainly upset for a few minutes. But what was I going to do? It was gone and most likely being spent on food for someone who needed it bad enough to take such a bold risk. I wasn’t going to walk around suspecting every person I saw to be a thief.
In the end, the generosity shown to me by my hotel manager (who let me stay for free until I had money again) and the man who owned a phone call booth (who let me call home for free and insisted I take 1000 rupees to cover any expenses) made me forget about losing the original money and proved yet again why I love to travel!
For every bad things that happen to you when traveling, 10 kind and loving experiences await you. All you have to do is let go of the bad and open your eyes up to the good. Too easy really isn’t it?
When we started traveling we would haggle over cents as well until we quickly grew up and looked at the reality of the life around us. Travel is about growing and becoming better. The post was written by someone who has been traveling for long term so I guess I expected a better and more mature attitude.
Couldn’t have said it better myself Caz. I had a similar moment myself in South Africa when my video camera was stolen from a HIV clinic that I was volunteering in. I was annoyed for a moment and then thought: I hope that whoever stole it sells it and uses the money for something good, like purchasing their AVR medication. Stealing is not right, but I am fortunate to have grown up in Australia and worked my butt off to be successful (plus, I had travel insurance!) so if someone else who is worse off than I am benefited from the theft, then so be it. There’s no point in getting upset. And I love South Africa and would go back in a heartbeat.
Great post!
I love this attitude. It is so much more empowering for your life. As you said, stealing is not right, but that doesn’t mean you can’t look for a silver lining somewhere in the dark cloud. And when people are destitute then your compassionate side can’t help but come into play and wish for something better for those far needier than you. I think we can all learn something from one of the world’s greatest leaders Nelson Mandela. Imprisoned for 28 years just for believing all man should be treated equally. And when he was released, he did not want revenge or vindication, he only offered forgiveness and a hand of friendship. People like this inspire me to just get over the bad stuff and move forward. Life is not about me.
Your right in that stealing is wrong… but it’s also great to have the attitude you have about it. In some places that is a year of wages. Hopefully, it was used for the better because to them it means so much more. Kudos to you for looking into the positive. I’ve heard backpackers complain forever about how they were ripped off and were super aggro about the whole experience. It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
So true Jenny. I think holding on to it by remaining angry only affects one persons life and that is your own. I’d rather look for the positives so I can get over it and move forward. I hate anger and hatred following me around, I find it so pointless.